By Msgr. Pedro Lopez-Gallo
The B.C. Catholic

During the last days of my recent stay in Rome I started to feel a certain nostalgia about leaving the Vatican. In a way it was very similar to my situation many years ago when I decided to quit my work at the Holy See and seek another place to exercise my priestly ministry.

Thirty-five years ago I was close to celebrating the 25th anniversary of my ordination. I must confess that I had grown tired of the pomp and circumstance and the ceremonial pageantry of the mini sovereign state of Vatican City.

My dearest mentor, Cardinal Eugene Tisserant, had passed away, and three months later my mother had also died in Rome while visiting me. Around the same time, Pope Paul VI’s health was deteriorating rapidly, and there was great speculation over his possible retirement from the papacy. Fuel was added to the rumours when the Pope visited the tomb of Pope Celestine V, the first to abdicate the throne of Peter.

He was the one who had accepted the Vatican II decision to make it mandatory that bishops retire at age 75, so why shouldn’t he, Bishop of Rome, be subject to the same decree?

The Italian government was in dire straits. Prime Minister Aldo Moro, great friend and confidant of the Pope, had been kidnapped and murdered by the Red Brigades, who threatened to assume power and create a communist government.

In spite of these troubles, an extravagant party was being planned by my colleagues at the Vatican to celebrate my silver jubilee. A prestigious Italian caterer had been hired to indulge the palates of the Roman prelates with the best full-bodied wines and Italian cuisine: spaghetti al caviar, merluzzo alla Napoletana, and a delicious tiramisu dessert.

I was the jubilarian, but how could I be in the mood to celebrate when I had just written to the cardinal prefect of the Congregation for Clergy, resigning my position at the Vatican to go as a missionary to a faraway country, or to look after lepers in a lazaretto in Kolkata, as Father Damien de Veuster did on the Hawaiian island of Molokai?

Although my resignation was still confidential, pending the approval of the Pope, I had decided to say goodbye to the centre of this alive and vigorous institution which Christ founded 20 centuries ago when He entrusted the keys of the kingdom to Peter and his successors.

I had worked for 25 years in this multinational organization, and my office was only about 300 meters from that of the Pontiff. Now old and sick, Pope Paul VI had been elected Pope some 15 years earlier during the conclave of 1963.

That was the second time I had entered this arcane and exclusive gathering of cardinals to select the next Vicar of Christ. Suddenly, after the solemn Mass “Pro Eligendo Romano Pontifice,” we were taken aback by strong words from Cardinal Leo Suenens of Brussels-Malines, who took the microphone and said: “Signori Cardinali, why are we going to enter a conclave? Why don’t we elect by acclamation Cardinal Giovanni Battista Montini of Milan?

Immediately the gruff voice of Cardinal Tisserant, the Dean of the College of Cardinals, replied, “By no means. We must follow the rules of canon law and proceed to the conclave!”

So once again the full college of cardinals prepared to choose the next Vicar of Christ. I remember how flimsy the dividing walls of the minuscule cubicles for the cardinals were. There was total austerity, with no private rooms and no showers, just a narrow bed, crucifix, night lamp, and washbasin.

Forget privilege; for us secretaries it was domestic service and penance, escorting the 78 participating cardinals, who had increased in number. In 1958, when Pope Pius XII died, there were only 52 cardinals.

Two cardinals, Aloysius Stepinac, and Jozsef Mindszenty, had been imprisoned by their communist governments and impeded from attending the conclave, even though it meant only Spartan conditions for only a few days.

Little wonder that Pope John Paul II had the good idea of building the hotel called St. Martha House, which I would rate with four stars, and where, for the first time, all the cardinals gathered to go to the Sistine Chapel when Pope Benedict XVI was elected. Secretaries and butlers are therefore not required any more.

This is where I was very comfortably accommodated during this visit. However I found it hard to sleep, as the question kept recurring to me: why had I left the Vatican? Had I done the right thing?

My story will continue in the new year, by which time I will have crossed the milestone of my 60th anniversary of ordination.

I wish you, dear readers, all the blessings of the holy season, and peace and joy in the year ahead.